Common Sense Generic Nondenominational Religious Text

27 05 2008

A long time ago … OK, it was this past November … my wife and I were having one of those terminally silly conversations that makes life with her so great. After we stopped laughing (BTW, laughing to the point of tears is not a wise move while driving), I suggested that we take the bits and pieces of nonsense we’d been giggling about and turn it into something useful. Lo and behold, the Common Sense Generic Nondenominational Religious Text was born.

Here are the Chapter headings:

Mutagenesis

Exit Us

The Ten Amendments

The King of Books

The Judge of Kings

The Plague of Smug

Semi-Proverbs

Amateurverbs

P.S. Alms?

The Gospel of Ludicrous

The Gospel of Hilarious

Epistles from the Nigerians

An Open Letter to Pretentious Pilate

The Book of Cacophony

Saint Birkenstock and the Algorians

I’ve already written Mutagenesis and part of Saint Birkenstock and the Algorians. The titles should give the educated reader a clue as to the content. From time to time, I will post excerpts from the CSGNRT.

The purpose of the CSGNRT is to entertain and offend as many people as possible. I believe that a significant majority of Americans will enjoy this book, while most of the rest will hate it (you know who you are). Those who hate it are probably going to be people with no discernible sense of humor to begin with, so I’m not particularly concerned.

If you hate this concept, too damned bad. You’re obviously not my target demographic. If you are in search of more concepts to stoke your ire, I suggest perusing the internet for sites dealing with “rational thought” or perhaps read anything in Reason magazine. A casual visit to Barefoot Bum will really get your vascular fluids in a boil, so avoid it at all costs.

For those who may cry “heresy”, I say “Lighten up, Francis. If your beliefs aren’t strong enough to stand a little sarcasm, that’s not my problem.” For those who might claim I speak blasphemy, I can only quote Robert of Locksly and reply, “Fluently“.

An Excerpt from Mutagenesis, being the First Book of the CSGNRT:

In the beginning was the void. Fortunately for us, it quickly got filled up by all sorts of neat stuff. And it was good. Some of that neat stuff got together and formed conglomerations of neat stuff- which made it better. Eventually, some of the conglomerations of stuff managed to start spamming the void with rough duplicates of itself. And it was really cool. Differences in location forced some of the self-duplicating stuff to develop minor variations of itself, and things got totally weird.

Current status: Amused

Current music: In a Lifetime by Clannad

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5 responses

28 05 2008
Layman Pong

If God wanted us to go metric, he’d have given us ten apostles.

29 05 2008
prairieflounder

Where is the “Book of Armaments”?
-pf

29 05 2008
archvillain

pf- I’d love to include it, but it wouldn’t be original: just a rip-off of Monty Python. I’d hate to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for a guy in armor wielding a rubber chicken.

29 05 2008
prairieflounder

Yea, your right. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
How about a chapter on Cyber-prostelitizing?
-pf

30 05 2008
Turkish Prawn

I’ve got one. It’s from a friend of mine.

When she was young, she misheard (as only a kid can), “Gladly the cross I’d bear” as “Glady, the Cross-eyed Bear”. How’s that for a visual?

The parable to go along with that one ought to be fun to write.

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