Helicopters and Snowflakes

This nonsense has got to stop.

For those of you playing at home, the nonsense of which I speak involves helicopters and snowflakes. Specifically, so-called “Helicopter Parents” and the entire “It’s for the children” mindset. The morons guilty of helicopter “parenting” often refer to their crotch-goblins as “precious little snowflakes“.

Personally, I prefer the term crotch-goblin. This term perfectly describes the antics of the little bastards who never learned the first hint of personal responsibility from their doting genetic-material donors. By the way, I am not against children per se, just the ill-mannered and worse-behaved spawn of far too many so-called “parents” in this country. I am childless by choice, but I have no objection to other peoples’ children- provided they’re properly cooked.

All seriousness aside, what is wrong with so many parents these days? In their vain attempts to shield their darling little crotch-fruit from the rigors of the real world, they’re preventing the kids from learning how life really works. Guess what, kid? Your mom and dad played baseball without a helmet, climbed trees, played dodgeball, rode skateboards without kneepads, played on jungle gyms over concrete pads, and learned how to survive and compete as a result.

What do we have today? Dodgeball is banned in many schools. Playgrounds are so heavily padded and made safe “for the children” that it’s very hard for kids to have fun there. Slides used to be fun. Now, they’ve been shortened so much most kids can’t even develop enough momentum to reach the bottom. Heaven forbid mommy’s precious little snowflake from risking a scraped knee or a bruise.

Then we have the “cleanliness” issue. Kids are dirty. Scratch that, kids have an inherent ability to create filth from nothing. Kids are going to be exposed to other kids. The pathetic germaphobia found all over the TV keeps exhorting parents to buy industrial-strength cleansers by the carload to protect “daddy’s little angel” from those horrible germs. Supermarkets offer cleaning gear to wipe off the handles of shopping carts. At a certain point, all the crap you do to extend your life makes life not worth living. I’m pretty sure we’ve long since passed that point, but I’m just an irascible curmudgeon. Get off my damned lawn!

Another group due their fair share of the blame is the epidemic of lawyers in this country. Lawyers are a necesary part of a civil society. At their best, they protect citizens from the power of governments, corporations, and other citizens. Once the saturation point for lawyers in the population gets achieved, however, many lawyers have to start inventing work for themselves. Your kid didn’t ace his final exam? Sue the tacher. Sue the school. Your son didn’t make the baseball team? Sue the Parks Department and the coach. Mommy’s dearest little flower didn’t make the final round of the beauty pageant? Sue the pageant organizers (and their sponsors).

These problems are getting worse. Helicopter parents are starting to get involved in their kids’ post- school careers. Several corporate recruiters report increasing numbers of candidates calling mommy and daddy during interviews. After some moron butchers a bunch of people in cold blood, Mommy and Daddy appear on TV proclaiming that their kid was really a lot better than that and deserves special consideration. “I know people say he raped and murdered three people and ate their hearts, but he’s a good kid otherwise!”

 Here’s a thought: Next time someone’s sprog commits a crime and the parents start wailing about what a good kid he was, let’s toss the parents in jail, too. Anyone who can even mouth those words after their kid gets caught red-handed is obviously part of the problem.

Protecting your kid involves a modicum of responsibility (oooo! I said a bad word!). Too much protection, and you risk leaving the child completely unprepared for life. Too little protection, and you risk scarring the child emotionally and physically- also making them unprepared for civilized life. Doing it right requires a balancing act- which in turn requires hard work on the part of the parents. Take some personal responsibility for your actions- or lack thereof.

“My baby’s a good boy! He doesn’t deserve this!” Yes, he does. So do you.

Current status: Peeved

Current music: In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel