Enough, Already!

2 09 2007

I’ve noticed … strike that. I’ve been forced to endure a particularly abhorrent side-effect of the 24-hour news cycle recently: The Endless Retrospective of Past Media Circuses. Whenever the drooling imbeciles who populate the mainstream media start getting desperate about their lack of useful programming, they just open up the vaults and subject the viewing public to that most vile and insipid of trivia- the Endless Retrospective.


Opinions vary on the reason for this. Some people believe that showing this slok deadens the public’s mental abilities to the point where ABNBCNNBS programming suddenly seems insightful and relevant. Others opine that it’s part of some sinister political agenda. I personally believe that the various network programmers all get their story ideas from the same tin-foil-hat-wearing nutjob who dwells in the darker recesses of the subway station closest to their headquarters buildings. How else can anyone explain:


1- The Tearful Princess Diana Retrospective.

Guess what? I don’t give a shrill soprano hoot in Hell. She was never relevant to my life when she was alive. Now that she’s wormfood, I have even less interest. What’s the matter, ABCNNBCBS? Aren’t there any missing or murdered attractive blonde females from THIS CENTURY for you leeches to exploit to fill airtime? Is it really necessary to go over the entire useless (but blonde and attractive) life and death of some bint who married into the vestigial remnant of feudalism that is the British Royal Family? Last time I checked, we fought a war to free ourselves of these inbred paragons of aristocracy. They’re the UK’s problem, let’s leave it at that and move on to more important matters- like watching paint dry.


2- The Somber Katrina Retrospective.

This particular example of media stupidity and laziness really hacks me off. Every single network devoting time to this focuses solely on New Orleans. What about Gulfport? Biloxi? Do those names ring any bells? Has anyone but me ever wondered why ABCNNBCBS never bothered to pay attention to these cities? Every so-called “Katrina” story takes place in New Orleans, as though the hurricane somehow managed to avoid damaging anything else. Gulfport was nearly washed away all the way back to the freeway. There wasn’t the same loss of life as NoLa because the people of Gulfport wisely got the Hell out before the storm hit. The property damage was just as bad, but the people of Gulfport just buckled down and started rebuilding. Contrast this attitude with that of just about anyone from NoLa, and you’ll get an idea why the media has tunnel vision on this subject.


3- The Life and Miracles of Steve Irwin Retrospective.

Bah! I never watched this jackass, largely because I have a great deal of respect for animals. This backwoods git spent his whole career goading dangerous animals into attacking him on camera until it got him killed. As far as I can tell, the only thing anyone could learn from his show was various methods for successfully pissing off some of the most dangerous animals on the planet. I think any honest review of this putz and his life would conclude that his sole contribution to the world was his introduction of the word, “Crikey!” into the American lexicon. Can someone- ANYONE- tell me why this moron deserves our attention? I didn’t think so.


I don’t watch a lot of television. I have a low tolerance for stupidity, which means I am not in anyone’s target demographic. I’ll watch South Park, the Daily Show, and some of the PBS mysteries on Sunday. I sometimes watch the local news for the weather forecast- which is invariably far more accurate than the Weather Channel. That’s about all. I get far more information and entertainment from the Web or from books than from TV. I run the risk of this habit isolating me from the people around me, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate- I could become one of the herd of mindless zombies who watch reality TV or worse, professional wrestling.


Current status: Scornful

Current music: Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd.