Insidious Mind games

I take it all back.

 A long time back, I wrote about ChrismaHanaKwanzaka and called it, “the Silly Season”. I was wrong. I abase myself in contrition. The real Silly Season is now upon us: Election Season.

“Shhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. We’re hunting Pwesidents! Hehehehehehe!”

Like all good curmudgeons, I know that all elections are choices between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich. This particular election cycle (ugh! “Cycle” reminds us that we have to endure this insanity every couple of years) has also given us the Pernicious Asshat, the Twaddle Utterer, the Batshit Loonie, the KFC Meal Deal, and …

Key riced! I’ve run out of clever pseudonyms for the political “elite” who are vying for our votes. BRB. Gotta swill down some inspiration.

OK, Vicodin and Uisgebah have failed to help. I suspect my mind just refuses to pay too much attention to these attention-whores. Doubtless a survival reflex.

Back to the title of this rant: Insidious Mind Games. These vapid panderers have learned from the mistakes of others, to the extent that they work really hard to avoid stating the obvious stupidities. The existence of partisan bloggers who have little better to do than put every public statement under a microscope and the partisan editors and “journalists” of the media make blatant absurdities impossible to conceal. They’ve learned enough to be a bit more clever in concealing their lies behind a veneer of superficial rationality.

The most vile cover story for any political agenda is the well-worn lie, “It’s for the children!” This particular heap of dung can be (and usually is) used by vermin of all political persuasions to try and sweeten some program or another which would be utterly destroyed by the voting public if it were not so disguised. It’s the vilest of all the insidious mind games because it works so often. Worst yet, any attempt to point out the obvious irrationality of this approach gets the objector immediately branded as someone who is “anti-children” (whatever the Hell that means). Me, I love children. They’re tasty when sauteed, and go well with potatoes and onions and just a touch of paprika. I have the heart of a small child … in a jar on my desk. The charge that “he doesn’t care about the children” is simply a despicably cheap ploy to confuse the listener (the voting public) and try and put the objector on the defensive. The fact that the voters fall for this line of horseshit over and over again says a great deal about the state of public education in this country- but that’s another rant altogether.

The other big lie- sorry … Insidious Mind Game– currently in vogue among the Shameless Pandering Class is “change”. Note that none of the political vultures ever really explain exactly what sort of “change” they mean. I’ll fill you all in on their behalf: The “change” to which they refer is replacing the people currently in power with themselves. To that end, they will tell any lie, break any rule, or commit any crime (probably including premeditated murder). Any act is justified if they manage to get into a position of power. If anyone still believes that your candidate of choice really means what they say during campaign season, I want you to wear an Aluminum-Foil Deflector Beanie™ (AFDB) so the rest of us can tell who you are.

There’s another Insidious Mind Game at work every four years in the US. The people running for the office are trying desperately to convince everyone that the President runs the country. This is patent nonsense, but one with teeth- as long as “the people” believe it. The President cannot enact legislation, declare war, or levee taxes. Those powers reside in Congress (not that the Congresscritters make good or effective use of it). For all the blather on the airwaves by one prostitute … sorry, I meant “candidate” … or another about how much they lovethe Constitution, damned few of them seem to have much knowledge of the document. Some of those who do know a bit about it can’t seem to avoid running off at the microphone about some program or policy they favor which is patently unConstitutional.

Having vented my spleen to this point, I will now announce which candidates will be getting my vote in November.

Ralph Wiggum and Lisa Simpson.

I find these two have far more in common with my political views than any of the “real” candidates, and would almost certainly do far less harm to the country were they elected.

Current status: Mightily wroth

Current music: President’s Songby Jonathan Coulton