Waste, Fraud, and Abuse

13 02 2008

We (the People) are being ripped off. Ungodly amounts of our tax dollars are getting poured down a rat-hole by our elected oafishals who are trying to convince us that they’re actually accomplishing something. The secret is out- they are accomplishing something. They’re wasting our time and money.

This particular venture into criminal stupidity involves the so-called Sports Doping Scandal and the related investigation by the pusillanimous vermin we sent to the Logic-Free Zone so they wouldn’t pollute the air at home with their insipidity. Congress (the opposite of progress- remember?) is holding hearings to investigate this important matter. In a Universe occupied by rational sentient creatures (I include politicians as a courtesy), one might imagine that our elected representatives would be spending time dealing with a hugely-overinflated budget, the two wars we are currently fighting, the very real probability that our primary source of energy is approaching the cost of printer ink, or even passing (or repealing) legislation in the best interests of their constituents. Mind you, these are not the only pressing issues which should be getting our Congresscreatures’ attention- these are just the really high-profile, life-or-death issues. One would think that these weighty problems would be getting dealt with by the so-called “ruling class”.

One would be wrong.

No, the biggest issue on the agenda of our political elites today (judging by the prominence of the story in the media- more on that later)  is the possibility that a bunch of sports stars might have taken performance-enhancing drugs.

Oooo! Scary stuff. Booga! Booga! This issue is apparently far more important than such trivia as actual fucking shooting wars or funding the fucking Federal Gummint!

Why are we (the People) letting these ass-hats get away with this shit? Come to think, why are we sending these morons to the Logic-Free Zone to be our elected representatives? Weren’t there any Elementary-school drop-outs available? Some of these imbeciles don’t even know what the fucking Internet is, let alone how it works (“it’s not like a truck … it’s a series of tubes …“)!

Here’s an idea: Quit electing people with an IQ lower than room temperature. Rather than use actual IQ tests to sort out who should or should not be elected, I’ve developed a couple of easy ways to root out the fools, poltroons, and scoundrels who should never be permitted to make decisions for anyone else.

Solution #1- Anyone who actually wants the job should be automatically (and permanently) excluded. These people can safely be entrusted with the job of Town Drunk or (possibly) Shopping-Cart chaser.  Never let them operate anything more complicated than crayons, and make ’em all wear electronic tracking collars so we can keep tabs on their location at all times.

Solution #2- Find the dumbest person you know and ask them who should be allowed to run for office. Get a list of names, and ask those people the same question. Anyone who appears on both lists should not be permitted to vote, let alone run for office. Those who name themselves should be shot. Instantly.

Solution #3- Eliminate from consideration anyone making more than fifty thousand dollars per year or less than twenty-five thousand. Anyone in between can safely be considered to have been promoted at least once for competence and not be too hard-working to waste in Washington. Note that this solution would exclude all lawyers but include most mid-level professionals- exactly the sort of people who could be trusted to get the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Solution #4- Use all of the above. I’m partial to this solution- largely because it would eliminate me from consideration.

Here’s another idea whose time has come:  Voters in each state could change the rules to require a vote-of-confidence election for every elected oafishal every year. The incumbent has to win a 2/3 majority or be replaced. Immediately.

Any politician who votes for a Congressional pay-raise should automatically be forbidden from running for re-election. Ever.

These pernicious numbskulls are supposed to be working for us. Anyone working for me who displayed the gross incompetence shown by Congress would have been fired after the first month.

Speaking of gross displays of incompetence, I now move on to the self-appointed watchdogs of democracy- the media. Allow me to give you a quote from a journalist describing the “dramatic moments” of the Congressional Sports Doping Scandal Hearings:

“Roger Clemens walked into the room from the right. He was wearing a dark blue suit, and was followed by his wife, Whatsername– who was carrying a yellow rose. Whatsisname– Clemens’ former personal trainer- entered from the far side of the room wearing a light grey suit …”

At this point, I was overcome by nausea and turned the “news” off. I may faint from the sheer drama of that scene!

Setting aside the fact that this hearing is a criminal misuse of Government time and money, why the fuck are their wardrobes newsworthy- let alone “dramatic”? If “journalists” want to claim to be the watchdogs of democracy, could they at least pretend to be doing their fucking jobs? Why aren’t these “journalists” (defined as English majors who can’t speak or write grammatically-correct English) asking useful questions? I’m not a journalist, but I can think of several dozen important questions which deserved more air-time than that quoted report. I imagine Walter Cronkite is actively considering slitting his wrists, and Edward R. Murrow is probably spinning in his grave so fast we could hook him up to a generator and power Atlanta for a year.

We (the Consumers) have it in our power to stop this. It’s easy- just don’t put up with it. Demand that your elected representatives do their fucking jobs. Punish them with your votes, and tell them in writing what you’re doing and why. Refuse to accept pandering to the lowest common denominator from the media. Stop watching their broadcasts, buying their newspapers, or reading their magazines. Punish the media companies by refusing to buy products advertised in their publications/broadcasts. Make sure the advertisers know what you’re doing and why. If the advertisers get a bunch of  letters and emails on this subject, they’ll stop or reduce their advertising on the offending media. That gets the publishers’ and producers’ attention real quick.

We deserve better from our elected representatives. Demand better. Hold politicians accountable for their actions (or lack thereof). They’re counting on you being too apathetic to do anything.

Prove them wrong.

Current status: Foaming-at-the-mouth furious

Current music: The Voice by the Moody Blues

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One response

14 02 2008
prairieflounder

Don’t hold back; tell us how you really feel!
I have to add that one reason the system is as it is and the waste is so prevalent is because it works, at least for now. Most people are fat and happy and couldn’t care less what goes on in Washington. Sure Congress wastes money, sure they spend time and effort on insipid projects that mean nothing, but I am still able to get my toys. Now the government is going to print some cash and mail it to me in May, why should I worry?
The majority of people in America pay little to no taxes, and for their reward they get a congress that gives them anything they want, sometimes much more. Why should they get upset?
It is the minority of Americans that should be hoisting the Jolly Roger. They are, however; too busy running and minding their own business to get involved in politics. I just don’t think we are at a critical point of spending stupidity to really motivate the majority of Americans, just yet. I think it is inevitable, and when it comes it will be ugly.
This reminds me of a news story here in Colorado. A woman died of hypothermia in the mountains because she locked her keys in her car and couldn’t figure out how to get inside. It didn’t occur to her to use rock to smash a window.
-pf

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